What Am I Doing Here?

It can be very exciting when your bloke goes on the dole. Really. Suddenly, worlds of opportunity open up, and the conversation turns almost juvenile as you discuss his options of becoming a fireman, a pirate, or a circus barker. You get all giddy when you see your bloke, whose career so far has turned him to beer-swilling and video games, suddenly come alive with forgotten aspirations. All this talk about becoming a sea-faring captain is enough to make a hen...well...a little jealous.

Let's compare, shall we?
Him: Gets a huge Bugger-Off bonus. Enough to last him an entire year (IF he knows how to make it last).
Me: Can look forward to not getting a raise for the 8th straight year in a row.
Him: Gets to see disappointing movies in the middle of the day
Me: Went to the movie theater twice in 2008...both movies sucked ass.
Him: Is going to become a helicopter pilot
Me: Gets an ever-expanding ass due to immobility. Wears business casual instead of a cape. Wields a memory stick instead of light-saber.

All this has got me to thinking....What in the hell am I doing? I can barely force myself to enter my office building every day. Going to work is starting to become a serious inconvenience. It's an interruption to my day.

So......

Since I can't realistically become a princess warrior, I can at least inquire as to what it would take to become a weekend warrior.

I've taken the verbal and math test. I've filled out the 8 page application. I've granted permission to do a background check. I've set up an appointment with a recruiter for the National Guard.

Hooah!